Siri has a purpose. Talk to her when you know where you want to go. Tell Alexa the volume and the temperature you prefer when you are unsatisfied with the status quo. Just keep in mind that the help you will receive has no relationship to any internal desire your robotic assistants have attached to the outcome in regards to your feelings. Siri does not care if you are lost, and Alexa does not care if you are cold and have a tension headache. Siri and Alexa do not get their periods or go through menopause, and they are not your friends. If that lands a little strangely, go easy on yourself. They are default-programmed as nurturing, middle-aged, educated women, the voices that most-effectively help us to forget they are not actually human.

We are constantly proving to robots that we aren’t robots. Does an image of a tiny metal portion of the vertical stoplight pole in a grid really count as the actual stoplight? Even when there are two poles welded together and the bottom pole is arguably just supporting the horizontal one with the actual lights? The robot I asked (Google) isn’t clear.

Interacting with these voices (for more than direction and volume control) in the midst of feeling like a shitty human will often result in your feeling even less human than your highly logical programmed companions.

TAKEAWAY TIP: Do not talk to robots who don’t sound like robots when you are confused and lonely. They are not programmed to navigate your self esteem out of a shitstorm. And they are immune to shit.

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